there's this feeling i have that's kind of sad but also kind of always been me and i'm not sure how to explain it, but i want to try.
i have a lot going on inside -- good and bad. it needs to get out, but there's no place to put it. sometimes i worry about that. there's just not a lot of places to exist or to share things or to connect with others anymore. i don't know how much there was before. i feel like i was born into something newly vacant. but lately? it's been feeling so much more void. the world is very loud, very stifling, very scary. reaching toward people feels good, but they don't always reach back.
or maybe they do, but we can't quite touch. it's like we're on different frequencies. or like we're in water, spread apart. it's dark and no one can move much. it feels like you might drown; no one's fault... hard to explain.
i don't think a blog is going to change that for me, but i guess what i'm trying to do is get a little less lonely?
when you're excited, when you're upset, when you have strong feelings & you want to talk, but talking isn't always good because there's a "too much" to how you have always talked, you don't & then it stays inside & then you get lonely.
so i don't know. i'm trying to do something else maybe.